Wandering Mind

My feet were like balls or nubs on the end of my legs. On the earth but separate from it. My mind was scattered. My body felt like a solid mass, without individual parts moving fluidly together but like an overstuffed sausage that couldn't bend but roundly at the middle. My heart was not connected to anything, nor was I even sure it was present. My hands remembered what it felt like to spread wide and press into the earth, but it was only a memory for they, too were on the earth but not touching, not connecting. The universe and I are very separate right now and I miss her. I will come back tomorrow.

This is my yoga practice and I am grateful for it.

Labels: Yoga

Continuing to make it to my mat.

I'm Happy.

Labels: Yoga

Practiced every day this week, actually got my ass out of bed at 5 so I could get to the studio by six and then home to spend time with the Wife and Daughter before running off to work. It's actually been quite lovely and I have all kinds of extra time in the morning but the falling asleep standing up by 8pm takes a little getting used to. I've managed to meditate just about every night, too. Even went to a Dharma Talk on Thursday. It was interesting but it was from 7 to 9 so I was pinching myself to stay awake and by the last meditation of the evening I was meditating on not falling asleep or falling over... in a group of 7 that would be somewhat obvious. As far as practice (and meditation) goes making the main focus of my practice the intention to stay in the present. My biggest challenge is way my mind just goes all over the place (thus the blog title) and I'm trying to slowly pull in the reins. So far, so good.

I've also managed to lose 12lbs. but have a mere 20 to go. L has managed to lose all but about 3 to 5 of her baby weight. I, on the other hand, continued to climb in mass until I gained (and maintained) a whopping 32 extra lbs. Need to let it go.

Labels: Yoga

I didn't feel like practicing tonight. It was a long day and I just wasn't looking forward to stepping on the mat. So, before I began my practice, as part of my intention, I asked for an answer as to why I practice. And one part of the answer came to me immediately as for the rest of my intention I gave my energy to my daughter, whom I'm patiently waiting to see. Practice was fine and good but no answers came blaring out at me. Between each pose I thought about stopping and resting or stopping completely, not really looking forward to the next pose. I made it all the way to urdhva dhanurasana and I was laying on my back waiting to go into the pose and I thought to my self in a somewhat negative connotation,

"Why are you doing this?"

and an answer came to me right away, it said

"If you want to understand why you do this, you must actually do it."

My problem is not with the asanas, it is my anticipation of the asanas. My favorite practices are the ones where I'm really in the here and now. My least favorite ones are when I'm mentally moving ahead of where I really am. This is my problem with so many things in my life. The actual doing or practicing of most things I enjoy, but I stress myself out with the anticipation of these things. I must release my precepts...

And seeing how this all came about right before urdhva dhanurasana it makes sense that it was a wonderful posture for me tonight. I had been working on engaging the thighs, and focusing on lengthening the front of the body and I remembered something I had read by Donutzenmom about a comment she had received from vanessa that made her think to engage the whole core, not just the front or back. Wow! did that make a difference. I'm not sure I've ever done a back bend correctly before that. It suddenly felt like the spine was curling up in a circle and not trying to fold in one or two spots. I went back up 4 more times because I was having so much fun. I only stopped so I wouldn't push to far...

All in all pretty good for 12 days straight. It feels like more and knowing there are 19 days left is somewhat daunting but I guess that's the point of my realization. It's about being in the now and doing it and not worrying about what comes later.

Labels: Yoga

He Practiced. And it was good. And She practiced with Him. And that made It even Better. I'm enjoying my practice so much right now. Combining the mindfulness of the Buddhism I've been studying and the inspiration from NaYoPracMo to practice every day I'm having an absolute ball. I start back to work full time this week so I'm looking forward to allowing my new habits to fix my old ones. L and I have been getting out on a walk each day so we plan to continue that but I'm not sure if that will be in the morning or at lunch time and we're planning on practicing each night when I get home from work. At school we're hosting the ACTF again this year next week so that will throw a bit of a wrench in the schedule but I'm determined not to let it get in the way of my practice.

We're off tonight to our Bradley class. It's fun leaning all about the birthing process and the Bradley method is husband coached so I actually get to feel like I'm helping. We're also going to be mixing in some hypnobirthing along with it so it should be an amazing experience. It's already been a pretty cool trip.

Labels: Child Birth, Yoga

It's January 6 and I'm sitting here writing this with the window open... Go figure.

Try to think about your toes without thinking the word toe.

Try thinking about the parts of your toe without thinking any words that deal with your toe.

Now try to get that voice quiet that's telling you not to use any words while you're thinking about your toes.

Dude, Shut the hell up.

I don't think I realized that I think in words as much as I do. I don't do it all the time, especially when I let the subconscious mind take over but when the words start flowing in my brain its hard to turn them off. I have attached a label to everything and to try to think about that thing without it's label is next to impossible. Should be an interesting challenge.

Well, this global warming is going to make a mess of the world but it sure made it pretty today. 70 degrees in the middle of winter. L and I went out for a stroll in the country soaking up the sun and the breeze. Quick trip to the grocery and then cozied up together with all the windows open and just smelled the fresh air blowing through. And once again we practiced together so that's 5 of the last 6 days. I'm 6 for 6 so far and I always seem to be looking forward to the next practice. It would be fun to keep practicing together up to the baby being born and then even continuing after that. I think the weather boosted L's energy today. We walked a little farther than usual and she kicked up her practice a bit. I guess when you've got a baby pushing all your guts up to where your lungs are supposed to be it makes it a little hard for you to breath and wears you out a bit. oh, yeah, that reminds me... I ate a little too close to my practice today and it made it uddiyana bandha kind of difficult.

Yeah, it's nice out but we really need a good, long freeze. The plants and bugs don't have a clue as to what's going on and the ones that we need to get killed off in the winter won't (ticks and mosquitoes) and the others will starve to death like our honey bees. I put sugar water out for them today but I don't know if any of them used it. I hate to say this but I wish we would get a good cold snap...

Labels: Global Warming, Yoga

I've been excited about practicing all day. I couldn't wait to start. but then I realized, frequently when I feel that way it's usually a horrible practice. So I asked myself what makes those practices turn out badly and it's because I expect something from them. I think I'll fly or float or be extraordinarily bendy, and of course, I'm not anything more than one day past yesterday. So when I went into tonights practice I tried to remove the idea of expectations and it turned out to be a lovely practice. And in removing my expectations it was less of a disappointment when L was too under the weather to practice. That made it a little harder to start but I still ended up really enjoying myself and I realize that I don't get excited because I expect something great to happen, I really just like the practice.


4 & 4

Labels: Yoga

Tearing down and rebuilding from the ground up. I've built this house more than once but each time I let it go to the point of starting over. The nice thing about rebuilding is you get to fix the mistakes (or at least some of them) that you did the last time and, while the structure is new, the knowledge is built on and improved each time. I'm finding my feet and hands, engaging the bhandas (trying, at least) and engaging the legs like I'm supposed to. My breathing has happily been one of the steadiest parts of my practice. My emphasis right now is getting stronger and prepared to take my practice further. I'm not pushing flexibility or joints, just giving myself a strong foundation for each breath and trusting that when I'm ready I'll move on.

I'm ignoring that today was a moon day and I think I won't be taking a day off this month. Right now it's about building momentum. I will, however, take it easy when I need to so as not to injure myself right off the bat. I'm unofficially joining the NaYoPracMo movement so I can remind myself what my practice is.

The pregnant wife practiced with me again today so I'm 3, 3, and 3! She was feeling a little too pregnant, though, and after some pranayama and a few asanas moved to the futon to practice her relaxation and positive visualization. I still loved having her in the room so I'm glad she didn't leave.

My other new and probably less than stellar idea is a rice "fast". Obviously if I'm eating it's not exactly a fast but I need to do something to clean out my system and the last time I did a real fast for a week it destroyed my metabolism. We're (meaning I'm) going to shoot for a week and see how I feel. I'll eat brown rice, sometimes with some Miso, and have water and lemon. I found with my last fast I gained a great perspective on food and eating (which I have since lost) so I hope to renew that as well. Sort of start my eating habits from the ground up, too. Hmm... We'll see...

Labels: Fasting, Yoga

I feel like I'm starting over again. I've even forgotten poses in the standing series. I thought maybe I had when it took no time to get through them. I'm in a better place mentally, though, and I can let the mind focus even if it takes the entire (as I practice it) standing series. I'm looking forward to a practice with about 25 pounds less, too. When the spare tire is getting in the way of poses and it's not just tight muscles (or a tight mind) it's time to let it go. L practiced with me again today and we have very different practices but it's so nice to share the energy in the room. We had a daily practice together on our honeymoon and it was one of our favorite things about the whole trip. Hopefully we can keep it up pretty regularly. Come to think of it, that's the last time I've practiced 2 days in a row before today...

My Dad is visiting today and tomorrow and it's pleasant and relaxing but there's that need to pay attention to someone else for long periods of time that can get to you after a while.

My most recent discovery of late is Thich Nhat Hanh from some books my mom asked for as christmas presents. I had heard of him before but never really looked at any of his books. I'm currently reading The Heart of the Buddha's Teaching which I'm really fascinated with. My understanding of Buddhism went no further than "Life is Suffering" which, seemed to me to be a less than pleasant way of looking at life. However, this book is bringing so much of my ignorance to light and I'm finding ways of understanding things that go along with my beliefs and the other yoga readings so I'm really not sure why it took me so long to discover these things. I'm really looking forward to reading more of his stuff and it appears there's plenty to choose from.

Labels: Buddhism, Yoga

Blogged and practiced today. It was a nice start but I feel awkward at both. Things have changed enough with the blogging world (ie. blogger revamped itself and now my server doesn't really like working with it) that it seems awkward just trying to get everything updated. My writing and typing feel stumbly, too, much like my asana practice. The nice thing is that I've done both. I've done a little mindful breathing, too but would like to do more before I go to bed. I was able to stay mindful through my practice, allowing my body to stop where it needed to, accepting that the 20lbs I've gained in the last 6 months will disipate with a regular, mindful practice.

I'm looking forward to the opportunity to deepen my practice, explore my writing, grow with my wife, love my child, and become mindful of all things.

Well, My Dad should be here in a few minutes, I guess I should make sure we're ready for him.

Labels: Blogging, Yoga